Rebecca in Wonderland
by Hotaru Layla
Summary: Follow Rebecca through Wonderland! Simply that!
1. Curiosity

**I know I haven't finished _Reality or Fantasy_, but the idea was there and I couldn't resist! This first chapter is like the one in my other fanfic: it's like an introduction. Rebecca, here, is more complaining about herself than actually telling the story. Hehe. |:P**

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**__**Rebecca in Wonderland**_

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Curiosity…**_

I guess I was curious. Curious enough to get myself into a heap of trouble.

Did I want this?

No.

Did I plan this?

No.

Did I expect this?

No.

Do I want to get out?

Heck yes.

But how?

* * *

Maybe if I remember what exactly got me here, I might find a way out.

Let's see. Think, Rebecca, think.

* * *

Oh, yeah. It all started when was with my grandpa on an excavation. This particular excavation was in a heavily wooded area near a cave. The cave was said to hold Native American treasures… or a city. Either-or, I didn't really care.

I was sitting under a tree, while Grandpa was exploring the rat-filled cave, swapping e-mails with _my_ wonderful, fantastic boyfriend, Yugi.

"_Wat r u doing?"_ he asked in an e-mail.

"Sitting under a tree." I e-mailed back.

"_Wat r u doing, sitting under a tree?"_

"E-mailing u."

"_O." _

I giggled and typed: "Wat r u doing?" and sent it.

"_Sitting n my room, e-mailing u."_

"N-e-thing else?"

"_Nope."_

I was about to reply when I saw the cutest white rabbit in the bushes. Well, the ears. I was going to call it over, when it came out of the bushes.

At that moment, I saw the strangest thing I'll ever see in my entire life. The white rabbit was wearing a waistcoat. But that's not all. It had white gloves on its front paws, glasses, and it was also holding an enormous, golden pocket watch. It was even standing upright!

My eyes were wide and my glasses were falling off my face at the sight!

"Oh, dear," he said, "I'm late!"

He scampered off.

Here is where the accursed word, curiosity, comes in. Curious, I followed the very odd white rabbit.

He scurried into a rabbit hole. I, stupidly, pursued him into it.

The next thing I know, I was falling down a never-ending crevice.


	2. The Talking Door

**Okay, Please tell me if this needs work. I thought it was okay, but not my _best_ work. I was planning on this following the book, but the online book was way to hard to read so I went with the movie. Rebecca has finally started to tell the story and not complain about herself(as much). So, please enjoy!**

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**__**Chapter 2**_

_**The Talking Door**_

_Wow_, I thought, _how long have I been falling? _The drop seemed to on forever.

I was falling in a sitting position (somehow I achieved to flip myself to that position) and was beginning to cramp. Before I had the time to figure out how to flip into a laying position, though, the plunge suddenly got brighter. I could actually see my surroundings. Everything had a reddish-pinkish-orange tint to it (listen, I'm not good at describing colors of things if their not straight-forward colors, okay… I guess I could say it was somewhat psychedelic).

That might've seemed strange (although, I could guess I was fairly close to the earth's mantle and I guess you could say that the mantle would produce such a glow), but it got weirder than that. There were portraits, fireplaces, chairs, _whatever_ all around me. As I dazed at this curious (the accursed word) sight around me, I fell into a rocking chair and began to rock in it. Oddly, it slowed my fall but didn't stop it.

I eventually rocked myself out of the chair and began to fall again. This time, though, I flipped myself upside-down and couldn't flip myself upside-up.

"This. Is. Not. My. Day." I muttered.

I heard a clang and realized I stopped. I was still upside-down.

I looked up to my shoes and realized I wasn't wearing my sneakers. I was wearing black penny loafers!

"WHAT THE-" before I could finish, something soft and white fell on my face. As I struggled to get it out of my face, I fell off whatever was holding me up (judging by the clang, it was a metal rod). I got to my feet and realized I was wearing a blue gown, a white apron, black penny loafers, and white socks. I reached to touch my head to find I was wearing a black headband.

I wanted to yelp but found that I must be dreaming; none of this was possible.

Right?

Right.

Then, why'd it seem so real?

I shook my head and looked at my surroundings. Down one corridor, I saw that white rabbit hopping away.

"Well, might as well follow it. It seems to know where it's going."

I followed, running half the time to keep up. He led me to this door. I opened it to find a smaller one. Confused, I opened it to find a smaller one and had to do that a couple more times. I finally opened a door that I could crawl through to get to the other side of the wall. I did just that.

When I did though, I crawled into a big room without any furniture. At the end of the room were small, red curtains. I picked myself up and went to the curtains. I opened them up and found a tiny door that if I opened, I could only look through.

"Curiouser and curiouser." I murmured, not knowing why I did.

I grabbed the golden doorknob which was on it and turned it.

"OH!" the door said.

"GAH!" I screamed.

"You gave me quite a turn." It said to me.

"S-sorry." I replied, amazed that I was talking to a door. "You see I was following a-"

"Rather good, right, doorknob, turn!" it laughed.

"Sure." I said, not really meaning it.

The door regained its composure and asked: "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit, so, um, if you don't mind…" I said, crouching toward it.

"Eh, oh!" it said, opening its keyhole of a mouth so I can see through it.

"There he is!" I said looking through the hole. "I simply must get through-"

"Sorry," it interrupted, "you're much too big. Simply impassible."

"You mean impossible."

"No, impassible, nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table?"

"Table?" I looked to see a table. The room was empty. But, I blinked and a glass table was sitting right in front of me. A bottle sat on top of it. "Wow."

"Read the directions and…" I didn't really listen to the rest of the door's sentence (it wasn't really important and I didn't understand what he said).

I read the little tag on the cork of the itty-bitty bottle. _Drink Me._

I thought for a second it might be poison but then thought, _Ah, if this is a dream, then it won't hurt me._

I drank it and thought aloud, "Hm. Tastes like cherry pie, cherry tart, custard, pine apple, roast turkey- GOODNESS!" I had shrunk to where the bottle was bigger than me. I couldn't hold the heavy thing, so I just dropped it.

"Hey, I'm just the right size," I said looking at myself. I ran to the door. "Now I can get through."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm locked." He said.

"Oh, no."

"Now, now. You got the key so-"

"What key?"

"Oh, don't tell me you left the key up there!" the door motioned up to the table with his eyes. I looked up to the table and saw that, on its underbelly, was a golden key.

"Oh, dear." I said and ran over to the glass leg of the table to try to climb it. I slid off. I sat down and rested my head in my hands. "Whatever shall I do?"

_Why am I talking like this?_ A voice in the back of my mind inquired. I ignored it for some odd reason.

"Try the box, naturally." The door said and a minuscule box popped up in between my legs.

I opened the box with a flick of my finger and picked up a candy that said: _Eat Me._

"Okay, but goodness knows what this will do to me." I bit off the candy and begin to grow… big! I was a giant! My penny loafer foot covered the door's face.

The door tried to say something, but my foot muffled it.

"Oh, sorry. What?" I asked, lifting my foot to uncover the door's face.

"I said: a little of that went a long way!" it laughed.

I spied the little bottle and picked it up. A small drop of the liquid that was in it spilled out on my finger. "You know," I said, poking the bottle in the door's mouth, "your jokes aren't that funny."

I licked the liquid off my finger unconsciously and immediately shrunk to an even smaller size than I was before I grew.

"How stupid can I get?" I scolded myself.

But then, I had a bright idea (by bright, I mean literally; I could have sworn a light bulb appeared over my head).

I walked over to the door and jumped up to reach the rim of the bottle. I caught onto it and heaved myself up. _Who needs a rusty, old key,_ I thought.

"Hope this works." I muttered. Then I yelled to the door from inside the bottle, "Hey, could you try to swallow this? Thanks!"

He swallowed and pretty soon realized that on the other side, was an ocean. The bottom half of the bottle was swimming the sea while the top half floated above the surface to keep any stray droplets from getting into my dingy.

* * *

After a few minutes of silence, I began to hear singing. Someone was singing in the ocean.

I poked my head above the rim of the bottle-ship (no pun intended) to see what. I saw a… is that a dodo?

He had a pipe and a waistcoat and he was sitting on what looked like big black crow with a huge orange beak. The crow apparently was his boat and this other bird behind pushing them was the motor.

The dodo kept singing until he said this: "Ahoy, land ho!" he pointed in a direction and said something to the bird behind.

"Aye-aye Dodo!" the bird behind said and pushed them in that direction.

_Hey! I was right!_

"Mr. Dodo, please, please help me!" I called after him. He was too preoccupied with his singing to hear me.

* * *

I sailed for a while longer, calling out to anybody, or should I say any_fish_ or any_bird_, that could lend me a helping hand. No one helped.

_Oh! what have I gotten myself into!_


	3. TweedleDee and TweedleDum

Author's note: _TWEEDLE TWIN, TWEEDLE TWIN, _BOTH TWEEDLE TWINS, **CARPENTER, _WALRUS, _MOTHER OYSTER, _BABY OYSTERS. _ENJOY!**

* * *

_**Chapter 3**_

_**Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum**_

After many minutes- actually, what seemed like hours or days, I didn't keep count- I finally spotted land. There was a big rock on the beach with the tiniest fire I had ever seen on it. Next to the fire was, who else, Mr. Dodo.

There were other birds and fish running around the rock on the beach sand. But that's not all, they were even **singing**!

"_Now, backward-forward-inward-from the bottom to the top-"_ I couldn't quite catch the rest.

A huge wave poured on top of the dancers and just barely missed the Dodo, who picked up the flame, which was on some sticks apparently, to keep it from going out.

"_Round and round we go- until forever more-"_ did I mention Mr. Dodo was singing too?

I tried to get out of my bottle and a wave ended up toppling me over onto the seashore right in the line of fire of the dancers. If you don't understand that… let's just say that my head and back became a welcome mat. Oh gosh, I think I'm beginning to rhyme! Curse you dodo who rhymes all the time! Gah!

The dodo, who was warming his hands by the blaze and smoking his pipe at the same time, looked over while he was singing (boy, is he a multitask-er or what?) and saw my wet form on the ground. "I say, you'll never get dry that way!"

"Get dry?" I asked.

"Have to run with the others!" he said.

"But how can I-?" before I could finish my sentence, a wave decanted over us runners. I ended up riding on top of a pelican's beak because of that.

"That's better!" he chimed excitedly. "Have you dried in no time, now."

"No one can ever get dry this way." I panted from lack of oxygen because of the wave.

"Nonsense," Mr. Dodo said, turning around and sticking his big, feathered bottom to the mini-fire. "Why, I'm as dry as a bone already!"

_Well, you're the one with the fire. We're all running our butts off down here right where the waves hit. _I thought, but didn't say.

I looked over to my left and saw the white rabbit float up to shore in a black umbrella.

"The White Rabbit!" I exclaimed. "Oh, Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Rabbit."

The rabbit didn't here me but looked at his watch. He jumped at least three feet in the air and yelped: "Oh, my goodness! I'm late, I'm late!" he picked up his umbrella and put it over his head. It was filled with water, so you can guess what surprise that held for him.

"Wait! Wait a second!" I called. I jumped off the pelican's beak and hurried after the running rabbit.

I chased him into a forest; I heard the calls of the selfish dodo grow softer and softer the farther away I got.

As I ran farther within the woodland, I realized something.

I had lost sight of the White Rabbit. And I had no idea where I was.

* * *

"Oh, great. I'm lost!" I complained. This wasn't good.

_Perhaps… perhaps he's just hiding._ I thought.

I had ended up in an extremely small clearing that had a big log in it. I looked around said clearing for the rabbit muttering to myself. I eventually looked inside the log, which required I crawl into the log.

Crawling and dresses don't go very well, but there was nobody around, so I dealt with it.

I came out the other side of the log. I found no rabbit inside, but when I turned around, atop the log were two, stout, little, oddly dressed figures. Eh? They weren't there before.

I moved around to one of the sides of a log to look at their round, chubby faces. I first realized that they were as tall as me only when standing on the log. And I was short, so that said something. Another thing I noticed was how freaky their hats were. I mean, they had stinkin' flags on their heads for Pete's sake!

The last thing I saw was their shirt collars. On the white surface were words written in blue. On one little man's collar, it said _Tweedle Dee_. On the other, _Tweedle Dum. _

I poked Tweedle Dum in the stomach to see if he was real and not fake.

_Honk._

The sound came from Tweedle Dum's mouth!

Dum said something pretty fast, something nearly incomprehensible. He nudged Tweedle Dee in the side and he _honk_ed and something just as fast. I think they were talking to me and how it's rude to poke people… or something like that.

They began to jump around on the log, bumping into each other thus making even more _honk_ing sounds. Then they jumped off the log and said: "That's logic."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you," I replied backing away slowly, "but I ought to be going now… good-bye."

I turned to leave. I was stopped in my tracks because Dee and Dum jumped in my way.

"You're beginning backwards." Dee (or was it Dum) said.

"Aye," Dum (maybe it was Dee) added. "The first thing in a visit is to say…"

They both literally sang, "how do you do and shake hands shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands, state your name again!"

Shake hands? They shook me! They grabbed my hands and forced me to dance along while they sang this. I was on the ground on my butt by this time!

"That's manners." The Tweedle twins finished their song by saying this.

"Really?" I said while standing up and brushing off the skirt of my dress. "Well, my name is Rebecca and I'm following a White Rabbit so…" I turned to leave once again but Dum and Dummer got in my way- again.

"Can't go yet," one of them said. I can't tell who's who. Sue me.

"No. the visiting has just started." The other adjoined.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm curious as to where the rabbit is going so… goodbye."

_And good riddance. _I thought after I said adieu.

"Ooh, she's curious." One whispered to the other. "The oysters were curious too, weren't they?"

"Aye. And you remember what happened to them?" the other whispered to one.

"Poor, things." They said in a sobbing voice as I turned back around and walked up behind them.

"What happened to the oysters?" I asked.

"Oh, but you wouldn't be interested." They said walking off with one arm around the other's shoulder and twirling their funny little hats on their fingers.

"Oh, but I am." I insisted.

"You're in much too much of a hurry." Little did I know that they had cornered me with my back to the log.

"Perhaps… I could stay a little time." I said slowly. I wasn't so sure that I wanted to do that, but it seemed I had no choice.

"You would!" they said excitedly. "Well." The pushed me down onto the log and ran back five feet.

"The walrus and the carpenter." The one on the right announced. He nudged the one on the left.

"Or… the story of the curious oysters." He nudged the other one and they began to do a little dance and they also sang. One of them started the singing and the other followed suit.

* * *

"_The sun was shining on the sea- shining with all its might."_

"_It did its very best to make- the billows smooth and bright."_

"_This was odd because it was…"_

"The middle of the night."

"_The walrus and the carpenter were walking towards Sudan- the beach was much too full of sand!"_

"**Mr. Walrus?" **_said the carpenter. _**"My brain begins to hurt. We'll sweep this clear and off a year. If you don't mind the work."**

"_**Work! The time has come!"**__ the walrus said. __**"To talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax and cabbages and kings! And while the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. KA-LOO! KA-LAY! No work today! We're cabbages and kings!"**_

* * *

I have to admit, this story was kind of interesting. But it made no sense what so ever.

* * *

"_**Oh, uh, oysters, come walk with us. The day is warm and bright. A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk would be a sheer delight!"**_

"**Yeah, and if we should get hungry on the way, we'll stop and uh… take a bite!"**

_But Mother Oyster winked her eye and stooped her heavy head. She knew too well that it was no time to leave her oyster bed._

"**The sea is nice, take my advice, and stay right here."** _Mom said._

"_**Yes, yes, of course, of course. But, uh, ha-ha! The time has come my little friends! To talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, cabbages and kings! And while the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. KA-LOO! KA-LAY! Come runaway! Where there're cabbages and kings!"**_

* * *

This was beginning to get boring.

* * *

"_**Mm-mm. well now, let me see. Ah, a loaf of bread is what we truly need."**_

"**How 'bout some salt, pepper, and vinegar, ay?"**

"_**Oh, yes what a splendid idea. Very good indeed… now, if you're ready, oysters, dear. We can begin the feed."**_

"_**Feed?"**_

And he ate them. Every one.

* * *

_Well, that was a weird story. _I thought.

"Well, that was nice and all, but I have got to get going." I said, standing up.

"But this first." They said and pushed me down again. They then began singing something about Father William or something like that. I just turned around on the log and jumped off on the other side. I ran as fast as I could to get away from those weirdoes.

I had just left them there singing and dancing away.

_Do they even realize I left?_ I wondered as I made my way through the trees.

* * *

**BTW: They were singing all through the oyster story.**


	4. A Smoking Little Worm

**this is a hard story to write... well, i got this far... thankfully... i might be half done.... maybe a bit more... well, anyway, ENJOY! if you can... 'tis a bit rushed.**

**_WARNING: _smoking caterpillar... blame Disney, not me...**

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**__**Chapter 4 **_

_**A Smoking Little Worm**_

As I made my way through the last of the trees, I saw a little house. It was a rather cute looking house, if a house could be cute. It was pink and white with a yellow top.

I waltzed up to the small pink gate. "Wonder who lives here." I muttered.

There were two pink shutters toward the top of the house. They were opened by none other than that White Rabbit! He was shouting "Maryanne" for some odd reason, but of that- I took no notice.

I wanted to find out what he was late for. I realized that now. That is why I have followed him all the way here.

The White Rabbit looked out of the window and saw me standing at the gate. He gave a gasp and hurried away from the window. In a few moments he was rushing out of the house and toward me.

"Maryanne!" he snapped. "Where have you been?"

"Maryanne?" I asked him, he didn't listen.

"You hid my gloves and I can't find them! Now go find them! I'm late!"

"But late for what? That's just what I-" before I could finish he pushed me into the small house and shut the door.

"Huh. What a rude rabbit." I was extremely ticked off now. I would find his gloves and give them to him alright.

_Huh, _I thought, _me, taking orders from a rabbit! What have I been put to? _

I stomped up the stairs. I came to a room that looked like a bed room. Must be his.

I looked around the room wondering where the pipsqueak's gloves were. I found a small silver cup on the dresser that held candies that said "eat me". I picked one up and absent mindedly took a nibble out of it. I stuffed the rest in my shoe- my dress had no pockets- for later.

It said eat me so why not? Why not: I grew. I grew bigger than the house!

My arms were hanging out the side windows and me legs… well, they just rammed through the walls.

I looked through the shutters. My surroundings were quite small. _This isn't good. _I thought.

Then I saw the garden. I had an epiphany. Perhaps if I ate something…

I reached down and grabbed the leaves of a carrot. I pulled one up and took a bite of it.

* * *

The rabbit, who wasn't looking in the right direction thus not noticing my sudden growth spurt, as took a look at his pocket watch.

He gasped. "Oh! Forget the gloves! I'm late!"

* * *

The carrot had seemed to work. I had shrunk down to size. Down to a very small size.

But no matter! I had to get out of there!

I left the room and headed my way out of the house. Let's just say that, at my current size, that took a while.

* * *

Once I was out of the house, I saw that the bunny was gone. I saw no point in following him any more. If I grew to my normal size and saw him, I'd probably ring his scrawny neck anyway. Yeah… I hold a grudge.

* * *

I ran in a direction that lead my to what probably was a field. Tall flowers stood close together like a barrier. A barrier which I pushed my way through.

I walked through the garden-like jungle for what seemed like hours. Then I saw above me colored smoke. It was in the shape of what looked like vowels.

I trudged on a little farther until I heard singing. I pushed away some leaves to see a blue caterpillar smoking, singing the English alphabet's vowels, and sitting on a mushroom.

I walked over to the caterpillar and stepped onto a small mushroom, which sat beside the larger one with the caterpillar on it, like a stepstool.

When the caterpillar finished his song, he glanced at me. He did a double take and asked: "Who are you?"

I didn't answer straight away. Why would you tell an utter stranger your name? Caterpillar or not, I wasn't about to reveal my name until he revealed his.

At my hesitation, he repeated his question. "Who are you?" he blew a puff of pink colored smoke that was shaped like a _U_ at me which made me cough.

"I'd rather you tell me who-" I blew a puff a pink smoke that was shaped like an _O_ to emphasize the "who" and to get it out of my mouth- "you are first." I stated.

He took another breath of his smoky-thing (I didn't know what it was but it was some machine that had the effects similar to a cigarette) and asked: "Why?" a puff of red smoke shaped like a _Y _came out of his mouth then.

"I have my reasons." I replied.

"What reasons?"

"Reasons I don't have to tell you! Really! If I wasn't three inches high I…"

"And _what _is wrong with being three inches high?" he asked turning a shade of purple.

"Well, for one thing, it is such a wretched height!"

The caterpillar turned pink. "_I_ am exac-e-tally three inches high! And it is a very good height… indeed!" he began to smoke it "mechanical cigarette" and a golden smoke began to surround him like a cocoon. As he did so, he turned a bright shade of red.

"Hey! Come back here!" I was full-blown angry now and waved the smoke away to yell at him some more.

He was gone.

"Where'd he go?" I muttered to myself.

From somewhere near I heard a voice. "By the way, I have a few more helpful hints."

I looked up and saw a blue butterfly.

"One side will make you grow taller," the butterfly said.

"One side of what?" I asked.

"And the other will make you grow shorter."

"The other side of what?"

"THE MUSHROOM OF COURSE!" the butterfly yelled at me.

I fell down on the smaller mushroom I was standing on from the outburst.

The butterfly had flown off by now and I was left with the magic mushroom.

I pulled off a piece of the mushroom. Hoping it was the one to make me grow taller, I took a bite of it. I really didn't need to be any shorter.

"I wish I wasn't three inches high." I stood up and began to cough. Puffs of different colored smoke came out of my mouth!

I couldn't stop the smoke coming out nor could I stop coughing. I kept coughing the smoke out until I was engulfed in it. When the smoke cleared, I found I was to my original size.

I smiled and began to walk down a random path.


	5. Everybody's Mad

**FINALLY! i swear, this is getting tedious! but, imma neva stop! ... until it's done a'course. anyway, HERE YA GO! :-)**

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**__**Chapter 5**_

_**Everybody's Mad**_

Following the path I was on, I came to many fat trees. Really. They looked bigger than Santa on Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, and Easter combined.

Each tree had various signs pointing off in different directions on them. Signs that said: "Up", "Yonder", "This Way", "That Way", "Back", "Go Back", etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

I pondered which way to go. Obviously, not the direction that had a sign saying "Go Back". That might not be a good way. For all I know, a rabid flockatoo-hound could be waiting for me on that path ready to eat my toenails.

… I'm starting to sound mental, aren't I? It's this "Wonderland". Nothing here makes since.

So why should I?

As I was just about to decide which way to go, I heard a voice singing in the trees. I looked around to see who was singing, but I saw nothing.

Yeah, I'm going nuts. I'm hearing incoherent singing. That's nice.

I ignored it and walked away. Unfortunately, I tripped over a large root and ended up half on, half off it.

"Lose something?" asked something from behind me.

"Huh?" I raised myself off the root and looked around. I then noticed a gleaming, white, crescent shape in the darkness of the tree leaves. "Oh, no. I just tripped." I told the smile shaped, white thing.

"Oh, I would've gone with my excuse. It'd make you seem less dim." The white thing said. Only then did I realize that it was teeth. "One moment please."

I watched the teeth. Soon, a pair of great, round, yellow eyes appeared with the smile. The thing started to sing again and the body and fluffy tail of a pink, pinkish-purple, and mauve striped cat began to form.

"You're a cat!" I cried out in astonishment. Hey, it was a talking, singing cat.

"A Cheshire cat," the cat said, taking off its ears like they were a hat and gesturing to me as in greeting. He began to sing again and sweep his tail in a circular motion around the front of his body. The thought came to me that he was making himself disappear, just as fast as he appeared.

"Hold on a sec!" I called to him.

"Alright then." He chuckled and reappeared fully. "Third chorus."

"No thanks. I was just wondering which way I ought to go. Do you know a good path to take?"

"Yes."

"Would you mind telling me?"

"No."

"Will you tell me?"

"Sure."

"…Well?"

"Oh, right. Well, it really depends on where you want to get to."

"It doesn't matter. I-"

The Cheshire Cat cut me off. "Then, it doesn't matter which way… you go!"

The cat jumped down from the branch he was on to a lower one. He propped himself on the trunk of the tree and, what looked like to me, tried to look cool. If he was doing that, then it didn't work. He was already a bit fat. And fluffy. He was fat and fluffy. Fat, _cute_, and fluffy.

"But, just so you know, he went," the cat pointed to my left, "that way."

"Who did?" I asked.

Cheshire rested his hands in his palms and his elbows on his tail. "The White Rabbit."

"He did?" I replied.

"He did what?"

"He went that way."

"Who did?"

"The White Rabbit." I was getting annoyed.

"What rabbit?"

"WHAT! But you just said!" I huffed and stamped my foot. This cat was ridiculous!

I crossed my arms and glared at the pink cat. He took his head off his neck and put it on the tree branch. "Can you stand on your head?" he asked, balancing on his… literally.

I gave him a look that should've told him to shut up. Should've. Key word.

"However," the cat hopped off his head and picked it up, "if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter." He put his head back on his body.

"Mad Hatter?" I asked. _I have a feeling he doesn't mean mad as in angry, but as in retarded, mental, loopy, handicapped. Oh, great! The best advice I might find here is nothing better than this idiotic feline._

"Or, you could see the March Hare."

"March Hare?" I considered aloud. "Hm. I think I'll just visit him."

"Of course. He's mad too!"

"I don't think I want-"

"To go around mad people? Ha! You can't avoid it! Most everyone's _mad _here!" the pink cat laughed. "You may have noticed," he continued while disappearing away stripe-by-stripe, "that I'm not all there myself." He laughed again and began to sing that silly song he was singing when I met him until even his voice faded away into the darkness of the trees.

"_Chikushou_! I guess it doesn't matter who I ask then. Why in the name of Ra does it have to be me? I'm a nice girl! Why do _I_ have to deal with all this?" I muttered as I set off down a path that lead straight to the Mad Hatter.

* * *

I reached a little house toward the end of the path. Smoke was hovering in the air in the back garden. I also heard singing.

"_A very merry unbirthday!"_

"_A very merry unbirthday!"_

"_A very merry unbirthday to us!"_

I walked through the little gate that led to the back garden and saw a bunch of tea sets that were blowing off a lot of steam (the smoke wasn't smoke at all, it was steam) while chirping tunes and a little man in a huge, green, top hat and a brown, skinny rabbit. I presumed the first was the Mad Hatter and the latter was the March Hare.

"_A very merry unbirthday! To me!"_

"_To who?"_

"_To me!"_

"_Oh you!"_

"_A very merry unbirthday, to you!"_

"_Oh, me!"_

"_Yes you!"_

"_Oh, me!"_

Am I the only one who noticed that singing seems the only way to communicate here? I swear, I feel like I'm in a Disney movie. Speaking of Disney movies, this place and these… people… remind me of a certain movie. I just can't seem to remember which one though. I think Tim Burton was making a movie where the main character returned back to… AH I forget.

The duo finally stopped there singing. There was a short silence that followed. But then they looked over at me, who was standing a good 20 feet away from them near the other end of the table. They began hustling toward me chanting "No room" while doing leapfrog, unintentionally I assume.

When they reached me I simply stated, "It looks like there's enough room to me." I motioned to all the empty chairs surrounding the table.

"Yeah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited." The March Hare told me. I was about to argue that I was actually standing but thought better of it.

"I'll say it's rude." The Mad Hatter added. "It's very, very rude indeed."

The lid of one, small, yellow teapot lifted up a bit to reveal a little brown mouse that looked a bit drunk to me. "Very, very rude indeed." He said in a voice that fit his drunken look. He lowered himself back into the teapot and began to snore.

Truth was, all I wanted was a bit of information. So, I decided to put on a sweet act to get it and leave there as fast as I could before I started singing. All the singing was beginning to disturb me, as you can clearly tell.

"Sorry, but I really _enjoyed _your singing." I lied.

"You enjoyed _our_ singing?" asked the hare.

_Hook._

"Oh! What a delightful child!" the hatter leaned elbows on the table. One elbow landed in a cup of tea and the cup got stuck on it. He tried to shake it off. It didn't work. "We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea!" he pointed to the cup that was still on his elbow for emphasis.

"Ah yes the tea! You must have a cup of tea!" said the rabbit while leading me to a chair.

_Line._

"Thanks. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party." I replied, sitting.

"Birthday! My dear child, this is not a birthday party!" scolded the March Hare.

"Of course not!" the Mad Hatter just laughed like it was a funny joke. "This is an unbirthday party."

"Unbirthday?"

_What the Ra is an unbirthday?_

"It's very simple! Now, thirty days- no, well." An ear scratched the rabbit's head in thought. "An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you…" the rabbit laughed nervously. He turned his head to a random direction, pointed to me, and spoke as if someone was there to listen. "She doesn't know what an unbirthday is!"

_Now, who is he talking to?_

"How silly!" the hatter laughed. "I shall elucidate!"

The rabbit waved a spoon and his left and in a motion like an orchestra conductor would and the teapots began to make more of there music.

"Statistics prove prove that you've _one birthday_!" the hatter chanted.

The rabbit added, "One birthday every year."

"Ahhh, but there are 364 _unbirthdays_!"

"And we're gathered here to cheer!"

Wow. That can mean having cake year round. Also, 366 days on leap year. There were many things I didn't enjoy here in… wherever I'm at, but this I really liked.

Thinking aloud, I muttered. "Then today's my unbirthday too."

The twosome heard this and were quite surprised.

"It is!" the hare yelled.

"What a small world this is!" the hatter said, a tear rolled down his cheek.

_Dramatic much?_

"Well in that case!" the hare announced and ran over to me, the hatter followed suit.

The two danced around me singing:

"_A very merry unbirthday!"_

"To me?"

"_To you!" _the hatter took of his hat to reveal a light pink icing-ed cake with a big candle on top. He didn't stop dancing though.

"_A very merry unbirthday!"_

"For me?"

"_For you!"_ they handed me the tall cake and I took it. I sat it in my lap since, to dance around me, they had to dance on the table too.

"Now blow the candle out my dear and make your wish come true!" the hatter recited.

Well, no reason to waste a good cake. Sadly, I didn't get to eat any. Once I blew out the candle, the cake shot off like a rocket and exploded in the air like a firework. The little mouse came falling from the place where the cake exploded in a parachute singing:

"_Twinkle, twinkle little bat,_

_How I wonder, what you're at,_

_Up above the world you fly,_

_Like a teatway in the sky."_

He landed in his yellow teapot and the Mad Hatter put the lid back on it.

"Now my dear," he said as he sat down, "were you seeking any, pardon me," he dipped the little saucer that was under his teacup in his tea and took a bite out of it, "information of some sort? Is that why you came?"

_And sinker._

"Actually, yeah." I picked up my teacup and nearly took a sip out of it for the first time when the hatter looked at his empty one.

"Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down!" he yelled, grabbing my wrist and pulling me down the table. The March Hare followed close behind.

"And now my dear," the hatter continued, "something seems to be troubling you. Why don't you tell us all about it?"

"Start at the beginning." The rabbit said.

"And when you come to the end- stop." the hatter added.

"Well, to put it simply, I need to know where the White Rabbit would be, and the Cheshire Cat said that you might know so…" before I could finish, I heard a yelp.

From that yellow teapot, the mouse came out, screaming the "Cat! There's a Cat!" and running down the table. The Mad Hatter and March Hare perused the rat and when the caught him, yelled to me to get the jam. I grabbed what looked like the jam jar and did as they told me, which was to put the jam on the mouse's nose. He calmed down tremendously and went back to sleep in his teapot.

"My goodness! Those are the things that upset me!" the Mad Hatter said, slightly cross.

"See all the trouble you've started?" the March Hare rebuked me.

"Sorry, I didn't think-" I began.

"Ah, but that's the point, if you don't think, you shouldn't talk!"

The hatter (I need to find other names of calling these two!) grabbed the teacup I was holding and glanced at it. "Clean cup! Move down! Move down! Move down!"

"But I-" before I could finish, Ears (that'll work for a while!) over there pushed me down the table.

"Now," Green Hat (lame, but I can't think of anything else) said, "as you were saying."

"Well, I was talking to… you know." I began.

"I do!" Green Cap giggled.

"I mean the Cheshire C-A-T."

"Tea?"

"Half a cup if you don't mind." Ears held out a teacup that was sliced in half from the top to the bottom of the cup. Lime Hat filled it up. Oddly, nothing spilled.

"Come, come my dear. Don't you care for tea?" Jade Hat asked.

"Yes, I really do like it, but…" I tried to say.

"If you don't care for tea, then you can at least make polite conversation." Ears said.

"Well, I've been trying to ask you!" I was on the verge of drowning the two in their tea.

The rabbit banged the table thrice with a mallet that came out of nowhere and stated that he had a better idea: change the subject. Then he hit the hatter in the head with the mallet.

The hat on the hatter's head was pushed overtop of his face and the top of the hat kind of broke to where it could open and close like a mouth where he talked.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" his voice echoed from within the hat when he asked this.

_Riddles? _I thought. "Let me see now. Why… is a raven… like a writing desk." I thought aloud.

The hat that was about to take a sip of tea stopped. "I beg your pardon?"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" I asked.

"WHY IS A WHAT?" the hatter screeched. His hat came to rest on the top of his head where it belonged when he jumped up in his chair and held to the back of it. The March Hare huddled, cowering with him.

"She's stark raving mad!" he said, trembling.

"Well it's your silly riddle! You just said!" I yelled.

"How bout a nice cup of tea?" the rabbit offered, probably as a piece treaty.

"Have a cup of tea indeed! Well, I'm sorry, but I JUST HAVEN'T THE TIME!" I turned around and began to stomp off.

Behind me, I heard the March Hare call out "The time, the time, who's got the time!"

Then, following suit, I heard another voice. It wasn't the March Hare's or the Mad Hatter's. It was-

"The White Rabbit!" I called out in surprise.

The rabbit was muttering something about being late when the Mad Hatter grabbed his huge pocket watch and pulled it back to him to look at. "Well, no wonder your late," he said, peering at the watch, "why this clock is exactly two days slow!"

"Two days slow!" the White Rabbit repeated in dismay.

The Hatter dipped the watch in a pot of tea and banged it on the table which caused it to automatically open to its inners. He took a salt shaker and put the bottom of it to his eye. "We'll have to take a look at this."

Salt poured onto the watch. Through all that salt, I'm amazed he even saw the wheels and springs that he claimed to be the problem of the clock's slowness. The Hatter took a fork and pulled out all the wheels and springs, throwing them in random directions. The White Rabbit tried to collects all the pieces as they were thrown.

"Butter, of course, butter!" the Hatter murmured to himself. Then he shouted out to no one in particular, "BUTTER!"

The March Hare yelled in the pallid bunny's ear the same word and the colorless rabbit confusedly handed it to the Hatter. The Hatter used a butter knife to smear the butter on the watch's insides. The White Rabbit began to protest, but the Hatter pushed him away. Then began the argument with the jam.

After a while of this constant bickering and protesting, I lost interest. I just decided to leave.

That cat was right, everybody here was mad.

* * *

I had the freakish twosome's cottage far behind me. I was walking down a random path when I saw the White Rabbit fly over my head and land somewhere up ahead.

Huh. Might as well see where he landed. Maybe that'll make me another step closer to going home, which would be an improvement, since I've made no real progress at all.


	6. Tulgey Wood

**Hi! Almost finished! A few more chappies to go! 2-3 there 'bouts! Woo!**

_**

* * *

**__**Chapter 6**_

_**Tulgey Wood**_

I searched, and I searched. But there was no sign of that rabbit. You know what? I give up! I'll find my own way home! I'll just head straight home!

But finding the right path in this forsaken forest will be another story.

I came upon a tree with a sign on it. "Tulgey… Wood." I read aloud. "Curious, I don't remember this."

I followed the path the sign had pointed to. In doing so, I felt an extra weight on my ears and nose. I ignored it for sometime, thinking it was just something stupid, but it never went away.

As I neared a big tree branch hanging in front of me, a bird landed on it. The bird had a small body but a huge head. In a way, it reminded me of Yugi. You know, since he's small but has big hair? The bird's head though was of a mirror. I looked in the mirror head to find two eyes staring back at me. Eyes that weren't there before. The bird's beak rose up in a smile.

I lifted my hands to my ears. There was definitely something there that wasn't before. I lifted the thing off my ears to find it a pair of glasses with pupils in the lenses, feet, and a beak.

I set it down next to the mirror head bird. "No more nonsense."

I walked on.

I stepped over a log and found my foot landing on something that squeaked. I heared a whole bunch of higher pitched squeaks and the deeper pitched one, so I looked down to see what it was. What made the squeaks were what looked like bicycle horns with webbed feet. I took them as a family by the way the smaller ones hurriedly waddled to the pond with the larger one close behind, and, before she jumped into the pond herself, squeaked at me quite angrily. Like a mother duck.

After that experience, I called them the Horn Ducks.

I had been walking for sometime. I had seen many strange animals and had begun to name the species. A few were Horn Ducks, Mirror Birds, Cage Birds, Umbrella Vultures, Drum Frogs, Cymbal Toads, Shovel Beaks, Accordion Owls… many of the bird variety.

I came upon some smaller birds that were making signs on trees. There were two Hammer Heads and two Pencil Beaks. The Hammer Heads were nailing down the boards used for the signs while the Pencil Beaks were writing on them.

After they had finished and had flown off, I read what the signs said. "Don't… Step… On the… Mome Raths…. What's a Mome Rath?"

As in answer, a whole bunch of colorful, furry, mushroom like things popped up from the ground. The little things circled around my feet a couple of times and then formed an arrow that pointed to a red path.

"_Thank goodness!_" I yelled and ran down said path.

Excited I might find a way home, I ran down this road for a while. But the problem with getting your hopes up is when your hopes get crushed. You get crushed.

I stopped on the path when I heard a sweeping sound. Around the corner, I saw, what I now call, a Broom Hound. Its face looked had the bristles of a broom and so did the end of its tail.

It was sweeping away the path!

It stopped when it came to me, but moved around me and continued.

My eye twitched. "I GIVE UP!" I yelled and stomped into a clearing near the pathway.

There was a rock there and I sat on it. "I just GIVE UP! How the heck can I go home when everything here is doing all it can to keep me from going! It's just- Ugh!"

"Sounds like someone has a bit of a temper." a voice sounded from above me.

I looked up to see the Cheshire Cat appearing on a tree branch above me.

"You!" I said in surprise.

"Me! Or were you hoping the White Rabbit?" he replied.

"No way. I'm through with White Rabbits, Mad Hatters, EVERYTHING! I just want to go home! But every time I seem to find a way, it just disappears!"

"Of course. That is because you haven't met the queen."

"Who?"

"The queen. The Red Queen. Everyone must meet the Red Queen before leaving Wonderland."

I thought for a moment. The Red Queen. Where have I heard that before?

"Well, how can I find her?" I asked.

"Well," The cat stood up on his hind legs and walked in place facing his left, "some go this way," he turned and walked in place facing his right, "some go that way," he stopped and faced me, putting a paw on a tree branch, "but as for me, I prefer the short cut." He annunciated the T's in the last two words.

The Chesire Cat pulled down the branch and a passageway to the queen's garden appeared in the tree. I stepped through it and entered the garden maze.


End file.
